Date: April 10, 2009 07:28:15 am Title: Chapter 1
It's a good story, but I think the pace of your story was a little quick. Like it jumped from scene to scene very quickly without really describing the background of the area that they are in or the moods between the characters.
Other then that, it was an enjoyable read. :)
Author's Response: I'm not suprised, I'm really only starting my writing, so I've got quite a ways to go until I'm a good writer. I have a feeling I might be out of the tourney. But theres always next time, and either way I learned some valuable lessons vital to writing stories.