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Reviewer: cai20160414 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 14, 2016 08:02:26 am Title: Chapter 1

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Reviewer: cai20160414 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 14, 2016 08:01:58 am Title: Chapter 1

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Reviewer: Vorlan Signed [Report This]
Date: March 20, 2009 10:42:51 am Title: Chapter 1

Our stories are quite similar really :) We both included the wilderness and in both Xarxies finishes by running off as Amon transforms!

It was a nice job though your character seems to barely get out of it alive! I think you injured him more than I did! :D

Good luck in the rest of the tourney!

Author's Response: Yeah, well at first I didn't know how to make him respond to a werewolf. But I did as Sui said, make the character yourown. Of course the fight wouldn't be interesting without injuries, or Amon's wolf form. Oh, and good luck to you as well.

Reviewer: IsaacLives Signed [Report This]
Date: March 17, 2009 02:21:07 pm Title: Chapter 1

Hey Sol. Nice entry, although a bit short like you said. I quite liked the fight scene, it had a very frantic feel about it befitting a werewolf. The intro sets up the story very well and the times when the reader is inside Xarxies head are kind of cool. My main problem with this entry was grammar. A little bit of proofreading, perhaps, would strengthen your work. The main point I want to bring up is that you seem to overuse run-ons, although in the right scene they were used well.



I particularly like the ending. Kind of a last ditch effort to stop Amon, and in the end I guess it worked out. I also like how you handled not being able to kill Amon, what with Xarxies just running away. Very tactful.



Best of luck!

Author's Response: That's probably true, grammar is a big one because I rushed the story due to deletions. I'll proofread from now on. Thanks for pointing that out, I probably would have never noticed it.

Reviewer: Nibirus Starshine Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 16, 2009 03:40:27 pm Title: Chapter 1

I like the idea that you have here, but I found a few things that you could work on.

In the beginning of the story, you don't really describe the scene that your character is in while he hears the rumors of your opponent in the woods. Try to draw that out a little more and fill in some details. Paint a picture with your words :).

Also when you fight your opponent's character you make that fighting very quick. I think if you add your character's reactions to everything, and how he reacts to the enviroment around him, the fight could become very interesting.

One more little detail where you talk about attacking for at least 15 seconds. I don't think your character would be counting the seconds when he is severely wounded and stabbing something to save his life. If anything he would be concentrating on where the weapon is landing, instead of the seconds passing.

Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Author's Response: Thanks for the tips, so I can make my stories beter from now on, and I was laughing as I read the 15 seconds thing, don't get me wrong, it's right and everything, but I have a big visual mind so as I'm reading I'm thinking about someone stabing someone and counting :)

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